Complex Ptsd And Romantic Relationships

Understand & Remain Patient

Its difficult to understand what someone with PTSD is going through even when youre extremely close to them. You need to know that its OK if you cant fully relate to what your partner is going through at times, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try.

Still, patience and understanding are key elements in any successful relationship. This is true even when youre dating someone with PTSD from abuse or another cause. Let your partner know that youd like to be there for them, and that its important for you to understand them, but youre having trouble relating. Reassure them that you believe their feelings are valid and uniquely challenging.

If youre in an environment that triggers your partner, be ready with a Plan B that can pivot and change the energy of the situation. Tell them that youre fine with changing plans because the priority is ensuring theyre in a safe, trigger-free environment.

Signs And Symptoms Of Bpd

To those around them, the feelings of a person with BPD can change quickly and without warning. They may also:

• view the world in extremes
• quickly change values or worldviews
• have difficulty with impulse control
• have impulsive behaviors, such as unsafe sexual intercourse, reckless driving, and spending sprees
• fear abandonment and go to extremes to prevent real or perceived abandonment
• experience intense, inappropriate anger

2021 review suggests that these are two distinct conditions that cancoexist at the same time.

Where these disorders tend to differ is in emotional regulation and the nature of the relationship problems people with these conditions experience.

With CPTSD, emotional dysregulation revolves around a persons inability to calm themself down. But with BPD, emotional regulation tends to involve uncontrolled anger and more severe emotional disturbances.

People with CPTSD and people with BPD can also show difficulties in personal relationships, but there are differences.

A person with BPD may go to extreme lengths to avoid real or perceived abandonment, with many of the relationship issues stemming from this behavior. A person with CPTSD may have issues with trust and staying connected with people, but they dont have the fear of abandonment thats a telltale sign of BPD.

Research suggests that BPD may occur more often when CPTSD is diagnosed than CPTSD occurs when BPD is diagnosed.

Choosing Not To Form Any Intimate Relationships

Survivors living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder have the same desires and needs for intimacy, sex, and attachment as anyone else. The difference is that they may choose to avoid forming intimate partner relationships.

It is vital to understand that in childhood these adults experienced a betrayal of trust, and often the sexual violation of their bodies.

Due to the betrayal of their trust in childhood, when these survivors do find themselves in a romantic relationship they often confound their partners by allowing them to draw close, but then quickly withdrawing.

Then, due to the sexual violation in childhood, sex is a huge issue for some. Forcing survivors to act like they are enjoying sex with their partner. When in fact, they are not. This pretense can result in them feeling dirty, used, and full of revulsion.

It is easy to see that in either scenario there will be big problems with anyone who attempts to form a loving and long-term relationship with survivors, leading to broken hearts and break-ups.

Because of the pain survivors inflict on others and themselves, many choose to live in terror of forming intimate relationships and avoid them totally.

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How Should I Deal With A Partner Who Has C

Its important to remember that not everyone is capable of loving everyone and in some cases, of loving ANYONE they meet. Some people are naturally more kind and honest than others, but other people have been taught to keep their feelings hidden from the world.

With this in mind, here are some things to keep in mind when dealing with someone who has been through relationship trauma.

How Does Relationship Trauma Affect Your Other Relationships

Research shows that dealing with relationship trauma affects more than just those involved in an abusive relationship. It impacts people from their immediate social circle as well. In one study, researchers interviewed 88 college students and found that those who experienced a relationship trauma felt the need to isolate themselves from others and felt significantly less attractive to potential partners. They were also more likely to feel they had a lack of control over events in their life.

The point is that when one person in a relationship is traumatized it can create an imbalance in communication between the partners and other people they come into contact with. For example, if one partner has been exposed to prolonged and/or extreme forms of abuse or neglect, it can create an imbalance in communication between the partners.

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Finding Yourself In Circles Of Repetition

Although you may not see it at first, according to Shapiro, repetition is a big, yet unexpected sign that youre suffering from PTSD from your past relationship.

Finding yourself in another unhealthy relationship, feeling like you deserve to be treated badly that was learned from your previous traumatic relationship , says Shapiro. Even in friendships, or family relations, finding yourself in uncomfortable situations where you feel badly about yourself and you have a decrease sense of self-worth.

If theres anyplace where you shouldnt feel badly or uncomfortable is amongst family, but PTSD makes the opposite true.

What Is Complex Post Traumatic Disorder

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a serious mental health condition affecting a large percentage of victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse. This disorder can take years to treat and many professionals arent familiar with its symptoms or misdiagnose it. They may even victim-blame if they arent familiar with the subtle tricks of a narcissist. Unfortunately, it can be a lifelong condition, but it can be managed with mindfulness and behavior modification, among other therapies and modalities. Learn what are the 17 symptoms of complex PTSD.

• WAIT! Please read that last sentence one more time. This is, in my opinion, the single quality that unites all narcissists, including covert, grandiose, sociopathic, and psychopathic narcissists and all kinds of malignant narcissists.

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What Is Cptsd And Who Does It Affect

CPTSD affects people of all ages. And most of the time it is due to childhood sexual abuse. See: . However the cause can be repeated trauma in adolescence or adult life.

Younger traumatized children can begin to show signs of developing CPTSD. And its common for them to have problems with bed wetting and loss of speech. They may re-enact trauma during their playtime. They are often clingy. And it may be difficult for their parents to soothe them.

People who are unemployed, unmarried, living alone and taking psychotropic medication are more likely to have CPTSD. .

Females appear to be twice as likely than males to have CPTSD. However females are not any more likely than males to have PTSD. This is most likely due to higher rates of childhood sexual abuse for females.

Living Together Feels Incompatible

For couples, moving in together can feel like a quantum leap forward in your relationship. If your partner is struggling with C-PTSD, cohabitating carries with it a fair number of obstacles. You may notice them undergoing some pretty dramatic mood swings. One minute can find you defending something innocuous that you said. The next minute, your partner may slip into a dissociative state. Living together can be more complicated if your partner struggles with a health condition that is trauma related.

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Complex Ptsd And Romantic Relationships

Complex PTSD and romantic relationships can combine and inflame your stress, confusion and fear. Under the best of circumstances, relationships are challenging. And how many times in anyones life qualify as the best of circumstances? There are countless factors that can impact your romantic connection. Mental health issues are certainly on that list. And for someone who is recovering from Complex PTSD, intimate relationships are typically triggering.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder differs from PTSD in that it results from ongoing, repeated exposure to traumatic events. These events might involve chronic abuse usually during childhood. As adults, people with unaddressed C-PTSD face a wide range of uncomfortable symptoms. In addition, because much C-PTSD results from early childhood trauma, it can wreak havoc on your romantic relationships.

Ways People With Ptsd Handle Relationships Differently

People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have successful relationships with their loved ones all the time. However, its not without unique challenges that can put a strain on couples. If everyone is committed to the success of their relationship, they can achieve happiness.

*For this article, well refer to a person who has post-traumatic stress disorder as a survivor.

As you can imagine, suffering from PTSD can make it difficult for a survivor to hold relationships with people due to emotional and psychological issues. This case is especially true because the people in the survivors life can become overwhelmed with all the problems that occur. It puts a strain on everyone involved, and this includes all relationships, not just romantic ones.

Knowing how a person with post-traumatic stress disorder handles relationships can be a big help for everyone involved. It can prepare you for issues that may arise and help take some of the strain from dealing with the symptoms. Keep reading to learn about seven ways that people with post-traumatic stress disorder handle relationships differently.

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Therapy For Cptsd In Seattle Washington

I am a Seattle therapist specializing in CPTSD and complex trauma. Because of licensing, I can only work with clients residing in Washington State.

My goal as a trauma therapist is for clients to better understand themselves, all parts of them, meet challenges and failures with compassion, feel more connected to themselves, understand what it is they really want, crave, and desire in life and relationships, practice patience, and gain deep insight into ways to interrupt unhelpful modes of survival that once served them.

Healing work can be exhausting, overwhelming, terrifying, but on the other side can be freedom, more choice, joy, and liberation.

Schedule a 10-minute consultation to see if we might be a good fit. If not, I also maintain a CPTSD Therapist referral list.

Referrals for Washington State CTPSD therapists can be found here.

The Importance Of Self

Trauma survivors and their partners have different needs for support. How can one respond when the other is grappling with mental health issues? How do you calm things down when overwhelming emotions get triggered?

It takes therapy for couples to find answers that are most healing for them. But some general tips for trauma survivors and their partners that can help are:

• Have a really good support system for each of you and the relationship. Make time for family and friends who are positive about your relationship and respect you and your loved one.
• Find a trauma-informed therapist to guide you as a couple or as individuals in your effort to better understand yourselves and each other.
• Find resources outside of therapy such as support groups or other similar activities
• Take time for psychoeducation. Learn about the nature of trauma, self-care and healing techniques like mindfulness. For example, one helpful model is Stan Taktins couple bubble. This is a visual aid to help partners see how to become a more secure, well-functioning couple. Surrounding yourself and your partner with an imaginary bubble means that the couple is aware in public and in private they protect each other at all times. They dont allow either of them to be the third wheel for very long, at least not without repair. In this way, everybody actually fares much better. See More Helpful Resources below.

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You Have Intrusive Thoughts

While its OK to think about your ex as you process what happened, be on the lookout for signs youre getting obsessive. It may feel like you want to think about something else, but canât.

Individuals who have post-traumatic relationship disorder have a tendency to struggle with obsessive thoughts about following relationships,Naphtali Roberts, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.

Intrusive thoughts can be vivid, scary, and often totally dictate your day. This can often lead to distraction, acting impulsively, difficulty falling or staying asleep, or constant crying or irritability because you remember past choices,â she says.

Signs And Symptoms Of Feeling Unsafe In Relationships

Its commonly known that those who have histories of severe and/or chronic trauma in childhood will often grow into adults who unconsciously seek out connections with othersespecially intimate relationshipsthat allow them to reenact their unresolved childhood conflicts. Freud coined this as repetition compulsion where an adult with unprocessed trauma will attempt to resolve the trauma through reliving the traumatic experiences in relationships. Anyone who has a history of dating their mother may often fit this bill, in Freudian terms.

Other signs include:

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You Have A Hard Time Trusting Romantic Partners

If you experienced abuse or neglect or lived in a chaotic environment as a child, you may have a hard time trusting your romantic partners. This is especially true if the caregiver you loved was also a source of the trauma you experienced. As an adult, you may crave closeness but then push it away when it appears. This is a sign of an anxious-avoidant attachment style caused by complex trauma.

If you frequently find yourself agreeing to sex or initiating sex even when you don’t feel sexual desire, you may have complex PTSD. You might do this because you crave immediate feelings of closeness, or you find that sex dulls other negative emotions. Then, when the physical intimacy is achieved, you may abruptly pull away, potentially ending a romantic relationship before it’s had the chance to begin, and you move on to a new partner. This is a sign of an anxious-avoidant attachment style triggered by complex trauma.

The above are just some of the ways that complex trauma can impair your relationships. Happy, healthy relationships are possible even when you have complex PTSD, but not until you process it and heal. First, you must recognize that the troubles you are experiencing in your romantic life aren’t the fault of your partners or your current situation but due to events that occurred years or even decades earlier.

Once you acknowledge your trauma, work through it, and release its negative pull on your psyche, you can enjoy loving and fulfilling relationships.

How Might Trauma Survivors React

In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry, detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.

Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb. They may have less interest in social or sexual activities. Because survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous, they may not be able to relax or be intimate. They may also feel an increased need to protect their loved ones. They may come across as tense or demanding.

The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks. He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories. Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory. If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest. This may make sleeping together harder.

Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships. Verbal or physical violence can occur.

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Taking Care Of Yourself While Supporting Someone With Cptsd

• Take good care of yourself

• Rest, relax, sleep, eat well, drink water, exercise, spend time with other friends/family