Tip : Be A Good Listener
While you shouldnt push a person with PTSD to talk, if they do choose to share, try to listen without expectations or judgments. Make it clear that youre interested and that you care, but dont worry about giving advice. Its the act of listening attentively that is helpful to your loved one, not what you say.
A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again. This is part of the healing process, so avoid the temptation to tell your loved one to stop rehashing the past and move on. Instead, offer to talk as many times as they need.
Some of the things your loved one tells you might be very hard to listen to. Its okay to dislike what you hear, but its important to respect their feelings and reactions. If you come across as disapproving, horrified, or judgmental, they are unlikely to open up to you again.
Additional Ptsd Support Resources
Along with treatment, consider encouraging your friend to join a local support group. There are many different kinds of support groups located in cities and towns across the country. Maybe attend with your friend, if they are comfortable with that.
Support groups for PTSD are a beneficial way to build a strong support network and interact with other people who also have this condition. It can feel good to have a safe space to share and listen among people who can empathize having PTSD.
There are support groups specifically for victims of childhood abuse, sexual trauma, and also for veterans. These groups are operated by private organizations, nonprofits and also governmental organizations.
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Encourage Them To Seek Treatment
Its beyond your control to make someone seek treatment. If they are ready or are considering treatment, you can encourage them along the way, however.
Research some of the treatment options available for PTSD. Look for treatment providers and programs that specialize in PTSD. Explore the benefits of treatment and, when your friend is ready, share what you come up with.
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You Have Ptsd You Must Be A Veteran
According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs National Center for PTSD, PTSD is relatively common among veterans. About 12% of Gulf War veterans and 15% of Vietnam veterans have PTSD, compared to about 8% of the general population. The data from Vietnam veterans diagnosed with PTSD is from the 1980s when clinicians just began diagnosing it. As we have learned more about PTSD, it is estimated that closer to 30% of Vietnam veterans have experienced it.
However, as the stats show, not everyone who has served in the military has PTSD. So don’t assume someone has PTSD just because they fought in a war. “This assumption is actually creating more stigma,” said Blair. Also, keep in mind that veterans can come home with physical scars and other psychological consequences, not just PTSD, Blair said.
Create A Sense Of Safety
Stability is deeply important for veteransstruggling with PTSD. While you cannot always drop everything at a momentsnotice, you should take care to be a consistent, steady presence in your lovedones life.
Respect the veterans privacy and understand that everyone has their own timing for recovery. Treat everything your loved one tells you as entirely confidential.
Encourage Specialized PTSD Treatment
If your loved one has not already sought andenrolled in specialized treatment for PTSD in veterans, encourage them to doso. This can help minimize the symptoms of PTSD but also reduce the long-termrisk of developing additional mental-health conditions and symptoms.
Do some research into the different treatment options for PTSD in veterans. This will not only help you understand what your loved one is experiencing, but also help you understand how to communicate with them.
Some of the different PTSD treatments forveterans and military members include:
- Medication, such as anti-anxiety medication or antidepressants
- Counseling and talk therapy, either one-on-one or in the form of group therapy, which take many forms:
Self Care for Family & Loved Ones
PTSD Resources
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Tip : Take Care Of Yourself
Letting your family members PTSD dominate your life while ignoring your own needs is a surefire recipe for burnout and may even lead to secondary traumatization. You can develop your own trauma symptoms from listening to trauma stories or being exposed to disturbing symptoms like flashbacks. The more depleted and overwhelmed you feel, the greater the risk is that youll become traumatized.
In order to have the strength to be there for your loved one over the long haul and lower your risk for secondary traumatization, you have to nurture and care for yourself.
Take care of your physical needs: get enough sleep, exercise regularly, eat properly, and look after any medical issues.
Cultivate your own support system. Lean on other family members, trusted friends, your own therapist or support group, or your faith community. Talking about your feelings and what youre going through can be very cathartic.
Make time for your own life. Dont give up friends, hobbies, or activities that make you happy. Its important to have things in your life that you look forward to.
Spread the responsibility. Ask other family members and friends for assistance so you can take a break. You may also want to seek out respite services in your community.
Set boundaries. Be realistic about what youre capable of giving. Know your limits, communicate them to your family member and others involved, and stick to them.
Support for people taking care of veterans
What to do in a crisis situation
Tip : Deal With Volatility And Anger
PTSD can lead to difficulties managing emotions and impulses. In your loved one, this may manifest as extreme irritability, moodiness, or explosions of rage.
People suffering from PTSD live in a constant state of physical and emotional stress. Since they usually have trouble sleeping, it means theyre constantly exhausted, on edge, and physically strung outincreasing the likelihood that theyll overreact to day-to-day stressors.
For many people with PTSD, anger can also be a cover for other feelings such as grief, helplessness, or guilt. Anger makes them feel powerful, instead of weak and vulnerable. Others try to suppress their anger until it erupts when you least expect it.
Watch for signs that your loved one is angry, such as clenching jaw or fists, talking louder, or getting agitated. Take steps to defuse the situation as soon as you see the initial warning signs.
Try to remain calm. During an emotional outburst, try your best to stay calm. This will communicate to your loved one that you are safe, and prevent the situation from escalating.
Give the person space. Avoid crowding or grabbing the person. This can make a traumatized person feel threatened.
Ask how you can help. For example: What can I do to help you right now? You can also suggest a time out or change of scenery.
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How Do I Encourage Someone To Seek Support For Their Ptsd
Treatment for PTSD includes medications and therapy. Group, individual, and family therapy can all be helpful for people dealing with PTSD. Like other mental health conditions, treatment for PTSD should be tailored to the person.
It may be helpful to learn about treatment options for PTSD and what resources are available in your area. Once you have this information, you can present it to your loved one and explain the benefits of getting help. Have a conversation about their fears and the potential benefits of getting treatment.
Do not force treatment on them. Allow them to stay in control. In most cases, you cannot force anyone to get help. If they say no, respect their decision, and let them know that your offer still stands. It can take people time to realize that they can benefit from professional help.
You can also encourage a person to get help by offering to help them make a phone call or go to an appointment. This may help them feel more comfortable. If they have issues with transportation or childcare, you can offer to help them navigate these so its easier.
Look After Your Own Mental Health
It’s important to remember that your mental health matters too. Our pages on supporting someone else to seek help, how to cope when supporting someone else, managing stress and maintaining your wellbeing all have lots of information and tips on how to look after yourself.
Support options for you
A traumatic event can have a major impact not just on those who lived through it, but also on that person’s close family, friends and colleagues.
If you experience symptoms of PTSD yourself while supporting someone through a trauma , it might help to try some of the tips on our self-care for PTSD page.
It’s also a good idea to talk to your GP about how you’re feeling, and ask if they can offer you any treatment or support.
The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence – the organisation that produces guidelines on best practice in healthcare – says professionals should consider the impact of traumatic events on relatives and think about how to provide appropriate care.
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Talking To Someone With Ptsd
When talking to your loved one about PTSD, be clear and to the point. Stay positive, and dont forget to be a good listener. When your loved one speaks, repeat what you understand and ask questions when you need more information. Dont interrupt or argue, but instead voice your feelings clearly. Dont assume your loved one knows how you feel if you dont express it. PTSD is hard on everyone involved with the victim.
Help your loved one put feelings into words. Ask about specific feelings, and ask what you can do to help. Lastly, dont give advice unless your loved one requests it.
You Just Have To Face Your Fears
Facing your fears can be effective. After all, its the basis for the age-old fall off the bike get back on analogy. But trauma survivors should only face their fears if and when they are ready to do so. It should also be done in a controlled manner and with the help of a licensed counselor, therapist, psychologist, and/or psychiatrist.
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Poor Thing You Got Triggered You Must Be Really Sensitive
Grover’s first sexual assault happened while the soundtrack of Prince’s 1999 was playing. The song replayed relentlessly when Prince died it was a tough week for Grover. “There was no getting away from it,” Grover said.
A PTSD trigger like this is not merely bothersome it can set off an intense reaction, sometimes leaving the person unable to function. “Being annoyed and being triggered is not the same, ” Grover said.
“When we think someone has PTSD, we might treat the person as really fragile and broken,” Sonya Norman, PhD, director of the PTSD consultation program at the National Center for PTSD and a psychiatry professor at the University of California San Diego, told Health. “You can have PTSD and be a strong person, and, I would say, given what they’ve been through, they are very strong.”
Compounding Trauma: What Not To Say
For those of us with a natural inclination to try to fix things, holding back and just stitting with the moment can be difficult. When someone tells you something significant about a traumatic experience, what they dont need is advice-giving, Young says. Even if its because were genuinely trying to help, it can often come off as judgmental or minimisation if we offer unprompted advice like have you tried this? or why dont you do that?
Some of the worst responses are those which can compound shame and self-doubt, even if theyre well-intentioned. Young says statements such as youll get over it, it wasnt that bad or whats wrong with you? can be particularly damaging. Theyre not helpful for the person suffering with a significant mental illness and can actually make things worse, Young explains.
Even if you hope to encourage an individual to seek professional support and treatment, report an incident to authorities or take another course of action, the first step should always be to listen and empathise. Only when the person has received an open, non-judgemental response, may they be open to practical support, possible treatment avenues and professional help, says Young.
While talking about trauma can be painful and upsetting, the support of family and friends is often. Dont insist on talking if they dont want to, but if they are open to speaking about their experience or feelings, make sure youre there to listen.
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Ptsd Is A Very Real Illness
PTSD is a debilitating anxiety disorder that occurs after a traumatic event, like war combat. Experts estimate 8 million adults have PTSD to varying degrees each year in the United States. Like depression or other mental and behavioral issues, its not something that a person can snap out of.
Symptoms arise anywhere from three months to years after the triggering event. In order to be characterized as PTSD, the person must exhibit these traits:
- At least one re-experiencing symptom . D. installed security cameras in his home to monitor threats and had terrible nightmares.
- At least one avoidance symptom. D. didnt like crowds and would avoid activities that included a lot of people.
- At least two arousal and reactivity symptoms. D. had a very short fuse and would get frustrated easily when he wasnt understood.
- At least two cognition and mood symptoms, which includes negative self-esteem, guilt, or blame. D. would often say to me, Why do you love me? I dont see what you see.
D. once described his PTSD to me like a constant waiting game for ghosts to jump from around the corner. It was a reminder that bad things happened, and that that feeling might never stop. Loud noises made it worse, like thunder, fireworks, or truck backfire.
There was a time we sat outside watching fireworks, and he held my hand until my knuckles turned white, telling me the only way he could sit through them was to have me next to him.
He also had explosive outbursts of rage, which left me in tears.
Help Them To Relax And Get Involved In Activities
- Try to involve the person in physical activity, such as walking or swimming. Exercise burns off stress chemicals, reduces muscle tension and encourages better sleep.
- While the person needs to spend some time alone, help them to strike a balance. Socialising even low-key events such as sitting around with friends can help to reduce stress levels.
- Laughter is a wonderful antidote to stress. Find ways to help them to smile or laugh.
If at any time you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline 13 11 14.
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What To Say To Someone With Ptsd
- It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I am here for you.Feels like: I feel really supported, as if you’re not pressuring me or giving me deadlines.
- Instead of going to a big social event, let’s watch a movie at your house.”Feels like: Thank you, I really can’t handle being in a social situation right now, but still don’t want to be left alone.
- I am going to learn more about your condition, so I can try to understand.Feels like: Thank you, that really makes me feel like you care.
- I know you probably don’t want to come, but we’d love to see you.”Feels like: Im glad that you haven’t forgotten about me, thank you for still inviting me and making me feel like I don’t have to come up with an excuse for not coming.
- We all love you and think you’re amazing.”Feels like: Thank you, I needed to hear that.
- We can make plans to do something and if you feel uncomfortable, I will come straight home with you.”Feels like: Ok, I would like to try going somewhere. Knowing you’ve got my back if I get overwhelmed is really reassuring.
- I dont mind that you’re still in your pyjamas…here, let me do your dishes.”Feels like: I am having a really hard time looking after myself and housework is stressing me out, thank you for helping.
- I’m worried that you might harm yourself, so I’m just going to hang out at your place.”Feels like: I’m worried too, your company is appreciated.
Finally, Claire suggests that little actions can speak louder than words.
Why Didnt You Say Anything At That Time
Trauma survivors rarely talk about what theyve been through, especially immediately after the event. It is usually when people notice changes in their behavior that they begin to share their struggles.
On top of that, its challenging to be open about something as painful as sexual abuse or domestic violence. Especially when you know that people might not understand what youre going through, and the authorities might not always have the power to provide proper assistance.
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People With Ptsd Often Feel Unlovable
D. is beautiful inside and out. Not only is he strikingly handsome, he is smart, caring, and compassionate. But he didnt feel he was deserving of love, or even remotely loveable.
Traumatic experiences, in addition to being scary and impacting our sense of safety, very often have a direct effect on our cognition, says Irina Wen, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at NYU Langone Health.
Usually those effects are negative. As a result, the patient might start feeling undeserving and unlovable, or that the world is a dangerous place and people should not be trusted, she explains.
Over time, these negative thoughts become generalized so that negativity permeates all aspects of life. They can also carry over into a relationship.
D. would often ask me what I saw in him, how I could love him. This deep insecurity shaped how I treated him, with more reassurances without prompting.
D. needed a lot of time and attention from me. Because he had lost so much in his life, he had an almost controlling grip on me, from needing to know every detail of my whereabouts and having meltdowns when the plan changed last minute, to expecting me to be loyal to him above my own parents, even when I felt he didnt always deserve it.
In believing that he was unlovable, D. also created scenarios that cast him as such. When he was angry, hed express it by taking horrific jabs at me.