Tip : Rebuild Trust And Safety
Trauma alters the way a person sees the world, making it seem like a perpetually dangerous and frightening place. It also damages peoples ability to trust others and themselves. If theres any way you can rebuild your loved ones sense of security, it will contribute to their recovery.
Express your commitment to the relationship. Let your loved one know that youre here for the long haul so they feel loved and supported.
Create routines. Structure and predictable schedules can restore a sense of stability and security to people with PTSD, both adults and children. Creating routines could involve getting your loved one to help with groceries or housework, for example, maintaining regular times for meals, or simply being there for the person.
Minimize stress at home. Try to make sure your loved one has space and time for rest and relaxation.
Speak of the future and make plans. This can help counteract the common feeling among people with PTSD that their future is limited.
Keep your promises. Help rebuild trust by showing that youre trustworthy. Be consistent and follow through on what you say youre going to do.
Emphasize your loved ones strengths. Tell your loved one you believe theyre capable of recovery and point out all of their positive qualities and successes.
How To Help Someone With Ptsd
Knowing how to help someone with post-traumatic stress disorder can be challenging. The symptoms of PTSD can present difficulties for friends and family members who want to support a loved one living with PTSD. If you know someone with PTSD, there are ways you can help. In fact, you can be very beneficial to their recovery, but only if you also care for yourself, too.
There Is Treatment Available Forveterans And Military Members With Ptsd
If you or a loved one struggles with PTSD,there is help and hope available. Help for Heroes is a dedicated treatmentprogram designed specifically for the mental health and substance abuse needsof all first responders, military service members and veterans.
Visit our locations page to find the Help for Heroes facility closest to you. Need immediate help? Active-duty military members now for immediate help.
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Care For People Suffering A Grief Disorder And/or Ptsd
It is usually best practice to treat traumatic grief and / or PTSD with therapy using cognitive behavioural techniques tailored to the individuals needs. This means talking through things with a therapist in a number of one-to-one sessions . In these sessions it is usually the case that the suddenly bereaved person will:
- Address the event and try to come to terms with what is known to have happened. This can be achieved through talk, writing, visiting the scene, or other methods.
- Talk about any painfully-upsetting aspect of the event that is presumed and therefore may not be true, to enable these thoughts to be corrected and stopped .
- Talk about any unfinished business with the person who has died. For example, any feelings of guilt or lost plans.
- Talk about the future and find a way to think positively about it.
The therapist assigned will need to be qualified and experienced in providing this therapy. Ask them how many times they have worked with people suddenly bereaved, and the success of their work. It is also important for the suddenly bereaved person to feel they have a trusting and positive relationship with their therapist. If they dont connect well with their therapist, it is always possible to change, and suddenly bereaved people should be encouraged to keep trying therapy with a different therapist, and not be put off by an unsuccessful first attempt.
Dont Constantly Ask How Theyre Doing
While reaching out and creating social support is important to helping someone with PTSD, constantly asking them how they are doing is not as helpful. Making all of your interactions with this person about their PTSD and trauma will be tiring for them , and also may pressure them into thinking and talking about it when they dont want to. Instead, try to maintain regular contact by asking them about other things in their life, such as their pets, kids, and hobbies, and interact with them just like you would someone without PTSD.
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Help From A Sudden Case Worker
In all cases, if you are not a medical professional and are reading this page, seek help from a Sudden case worker. With the permission of the bereaved person, they can seek an assessment from an appropriate medical professional of their needs and appropriate treatment.
References
Grief Disorders And Ptsd
It may be that after a while the responses being displayed by someone suddenly bereaved are normal grief responses common following any kind of death including expected deaths, and which dont require any sort of specialist care to aid recovery.
For example, feelings of sadness and grief, yearning for the person who died, and crying.
However, it is not uncommon, or unusual, to suffer more than this following a sudden death.
The guidance on this page provides information on disorders that can commonly follow a sudden bereavement, and appropriate care.
This page is quite long. However, it is meant for general guidance only and expert mental health professionals should always be used to assess anyone who might, or might not, have a mental health disorder.
To help a bereaved person access an assessment of their needs, talk to a Sudden case worker.
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Identify & Learn Their Triggers
One of the symptoms of PTSD involves an intense emotional response to specific internal and external cues, known as triggers. These emotional responses may appear random to others, and often, even the person with PTSD has trouble identifying their own triggers.
In certain cases, the trigger will be obvious due to the persons response, but it may also take some time to identify more subtle triggers. Paying attention to your loved ones responses, communicating with them after their response has subdued, and learning more about their past trauma are all ways to provide support. It is important to figure out the types of situations that trigger these emotional responses, so you can be better prepared to help your friend or loved one in those situations.
Be Prepared For Things That Are Out Of Your Control
Even with the best of intentions, the most accurate information, and the most wholehearted intentions to help, be prepared for times that feel incredibly challenging. You have to expect the unexpected.
You should also be aware that the times you cant control a situation will feel daunting. You may feel like youre being disrespected or underappreciated. Dont be afraid to communicate how you are feeling, assuring them that you dont want to abandon them but explaining that you arent sure what the best way to support them is.
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Living With Someone Who Has Ptsd
When a partner, friend, or family member has post-traumatic stress disorder it affects you, too. PTSD isnt easy to live with and it can take a heavy toll on relationships and family life. You may be hurt by your loved ones distance and moodiness or struggling to understand their behaviorwhy they are less affectionate and more volatile. You may feel like youre walking on eggshells or living with a stranger. You may also have to take on a bigger share of household tasks and deal with the frustration of a loved one who wont open up. The symptoms of PTSD can even lead to job loss, substance abuse, and other problems that affect the whole family.
Its hard not to take the symptoms of PTSD personally, but its important to remember that a person with PTSD may not always have control over their behavior. Your loved ones nervous system is stuck in a state of constant alert, making them continually feel vulnerable and unsafe, or having to relive the traumatic experience over and over. This can lead to anger, irritability, depression, mistrust, and other PTSD symptoms that your loved one cant simply choose to turn off.
With the right support from you and other family and friends, though, your loved ones nervous system can become unstuck. With these tips, you can help them to finally move on from the traumatic event and enable your life together to return to normal.
Learn More About Ptsd
They say knowledge is power, and thats true when dealing with any type of mental health conditioneven PTSD. Increasing your understanding about post-traumatic stress disorder, its causes, its symptoms, and the PTSD treatment options and types of therapy for PTSD available will enable you to help a friend or loved one more effectively. If youre hoping to have a deeper understanding of the condition and how you can help, consider taking one or more of the following steps:
- Read authoritative articles and books about PTSD
- Join a local PTSD support group in your community
- Listen to radio & television broadcasts about post-trauma topics
- Listen to podcasts and participate in online group discussions about PTSD
- Schedule an appointment with a therapist to discuss the nuances of PTSD
Of course, there are many other ways to educate yourself about post-traumatic stress disorder so you can help your loved one and you dont even have to do it alone. Encourage your friend or loved one with PTSD to join you in some of these activities so you can both learn at the same time.
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Stress Associated With Support
Receiving support from others is a healthy and effective way of dealing with a stressful event. It’s no wonder that during times of stress, people often turn to their loved ones first.
It is important to realize, however, that providing support requires energy and can also be stressful in and of itself.
Watching a loved one struggle with a problem can be upsetting and stressful. It is possible to support your loved one without getting overwhelmed and sacrificing your well-being. But when the stress from being another person’s support system is constant and draining, you can experience what is known as caregiver burnout.
Remind Them About How Their Nervous System Works
Its power to color experience is awesome. We have all had it happen we are having a high stress day and our ability to cope plummets. Even minor setbacks feel life threatening.
Our early relationships with our parents largely shape our autonomic nervous system. So if your loved one grew up in what I call a high threat home they will be in the habit of responding as if everything is a threat. In essence, they are living with constant emotional memory flashbacks. The exact opposite can happen too, and we can become adept at dissociation, disconnection and emotional numbing.
The threat brain works by convincing us there really is an emergency. After all, if it werent so compelling, our survival brain wouldnt be doing its job well. It can be helpful to remind yourself and your loved one that the problem isnt the specific situation- its the habitual triggered reaction.
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Tip : Deal With Volatility And Anger
PTSD can lead to difficulties managing emotions and impulses. In your loved one, this may manifest as extreme irritability, moodiness, or explosions of rage.
People suffering from PTSD live in a constant state of physical and emotional stress. Since they usually have trouble sleeping, it means theyre constantly exhausted, on edge, and physically strung outincreasing the likelihood that theyll overreact to day-to-day stressors.
For many people with PTSD, anger can also be a cover for other feelings such as grief, helplessness, or guilt. Anger makes them feel powerful, instead of weak and vulnerable. Others try to suppress their anger until it erupts when you least expect it.
Watch for signs that your loved one is angry, such as clenching jaw or fists, talking louder, or getting agitated. Take steps to defuse the situation as soon as you see the initial warning signs.
Try to remain calm. During an emotional outburst, try your best to stay calm. This will communicate to your loved one that you are safe, and prevent the situation from escalating.
Give the person space. Avoid crowding or grabbing the person. This can make a traumatized person feel threatened.
Ask how you can help. For example: What can I do to help you right now? You can also suggest a time out or change of scenery.
How To Diagnose Ptsd
The first step in diagnosing trauma is making an appointment with a doctor, preferably someone trained in mental health disorders. The doctor will talk with the patient to determine their state of mind. The practitioner will have to determine whether the prerequisite symptoms for PTSD are present before deciding how to proceed. For a diagnosis of PTSD, the patient must have experienced the following for at least one month:
- At least one event in which they re-experience symptoms
- At least three avoidance symptoms
- At least two hyperarousal symptoms
- Symptoms that interfere with daily life activities
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What Not To Do To Someone With Ptsd
While you may become frustrated when trying to help your son or daughter during such a difficult time, yelling at someone with PTSD or trying to talk them out of their symptoms only increases their feelings of shame, making these some of the worst things to do to someone with PTSD. Their sense of trust and ability to feel secure goes down, making it much harder for them to heal.
On the other hand, creating moments of co-regulation by establishing a safe space can help someone with PTSD gain a better sense of self-worth. Self-worth dissolves shame, allowing them to integrate past trauma and recover from the disorder.
Parents need to reframe from trying to fix their children when theyre triggered and re-experience a traumatic event, Gent said. Instead, they should focus on How do I get them back to a place of security, nurturance, and regulation?
He pointed out that parents and even well-intentioned therapists may want teens and young adults living with PTSD to know or make sense of what theyre going through. Unfortunately, the very nature of the disorder prevents them from thinking rationally when they re-experience trauma.
Remind Your Loved One: People Recover
Encourage them to find the right therapist.That is something that takes some effort. In order to recover from complex ptsd, its vital that your loved one receive competent trauma informed care. While therapists regularly encounter the survivors of trauma, most do not have much training in treating trauma.
Trauma treatment is a specialty that requires advanced clinical training. Having provided clinical supervision to Bay Area Therapists for over 15 years, I am completely unaware of any graduate school that provides even the most bare amount of trauma treatment training.
Its vital that your loved one with C-PTSD is in treatment with a trauma therapist who:
- Provides education to the patient about the nervous system and its role in developing trauma symptoms.
- Teaches emotional regulation skills
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Communication Pitfalls To Avoid
- Give easy answers or blithely tell your loved one everything is going to be okay.
- Stop your loved one from talking about their feelings or fears.
- Offer unsolicited advice or tell your loved one what they should do.
- Blame all of your relationship or family problems on your loved ones PTSD.
- Invalidate, minimize, or deny your loved ones traumatic experience
- Give ultimatums or make threats or demands.
- Make your loved one feel weak because they arent coping as well as others.
- Tell your loved one they were lucky it wasnt worse.
- Take over with your own personal experiences or feelings.
Talking To Your Loved One About Ptsd Triggers
Ask your loved one about things theyve done in the past to respond to a trigger that seemed to help . Then come up with a joint game plan for how you will respond in future.
Decide with your loved one how you should respond when they have a nightmare, flashback, or panic attack. Having a plan in place will make the situation less scary for both of you. Youll also be in a much better position to help your loved one calm down.
How to help someone having a flashback or panic attack
During a flashback, people often feel a sense of disassociation, as if theyre detached from their own body. Anything you can do to ground them will help.
- Tell your loved one theyre having a flashback and that even though it feels real, the event is not actually happening again.
- Help remind them of their surroundings .
- Encourage them to take deep, slow breaths .
- Avoid sudden movements or anything that might startle them.
- Ask before you touch them. Touching or putting your arms around the person might make them feel trapped, which can lead to greater agitation and even violence.
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How To Handle Ptsd Flashbacks When They Happen
Its important to first realize that flashbacks are not a re-experiencing of the event, but, rather a very vivid memory something that happened in the past. No matter how real it feels, flashbacks are not trauma happening in the current moment flashbacks are symptoms of PTSD only.
To help remind yourself that the trauma is past and that youre safe in the present, changing the verb tense of how youre thinking or speaking can be helpful. It sounds simplistic but saying, I was attacked, rather than, Im being attacked, can actually make a big difference to how a flashback feels.
It is also very important to connect with your body and the current moment when coping with a flashback. This is called grounding.
According to the Manitoba Trauma Information and Education Centre, the following are ways to ground yourself to help deal with PTSD flashbacks:
- Name the experience as a flashback
- Use language that categorizes the flashbacks as a memory
- Use the senses to ground yourself in your current environment:
- Name what you see, feel, hear, smell and taste
- Rub your hands together
- Touch, feel the chair that is supporting you
- Wiggle your toes
- Remember your favorite color and find three things in the room that are that color
- Name the date, month, year and season
- Count backward from 100